Emerging
Hey All,
I went home last night and tried my best to make it to at least 10 PM, so that I could watch a new episode of house.
I failed.
I wound up passing out, fully dressed, on my bed at about 8Pm, and woke up at about 7 am, after a brief wakefulness in darkness sometime earlier. I stayed in bed until about 8 Am, when I got up, drank some orange juice, ate a cold steak sandwich and looked out the window. From my window I could see frost on the grass by the wall. It looked freezing cold out there, it felt freezing cold in the flat and I was still feeling sad and miserable. So after 11 hours sleep, I went to bed and slept some more. I think I finally got up properly at about three.
That's what it's like. Sometimes the Black dog comes from nowhere, grabs me by the neck and won't let go.
The thing I've noticed is that it always seems to do that when I'm starting to get somewhere, when I'm getting close to achieving some kind of goal. Not just a perfunctory one, but something real. Either that or I get sick, or someone dies, or some other convenient vicissitude befalls me.
And I'm sick of it.
Maybe sometimes I get elevated and take on too much. Maybe sometimes I try to do everything and try to be everywhere at once without considering if I can maintain the pace. But too many times I've folded my hand when I should have stayed in the game.
But I'm sick of letting my insecurities and black-spells dictate the course of my life.
Anyways, I'm going home now because I have something to go to tonight. My friend Na'ama is having a Birthday shindig at a club somewhere in the West End, and I'm already running late.
To finish the story of my day, I did more cleaning up in my room and then went to Leytonstone Library with a list of words from Robin Hobb's books that I didn't quite understand. I looked up the words in one of the Oxford English Dictionaries there and it occurred to me it might be something to post a Robin Hobb Glossary online (with the permission of the Author, of course).
Anyways, time to go.
Over and out.
J
I went home last night and tried my best to make it to at least 10 PM, so that I could watch a new episode of house.
I failed.
I wound up passing out, fully dressed, on my bed at about 8Pm, and woke up at about 7 am, after a brief wakefulness in darkness sometime earlier. I stayed in bed until about 8 Am, when I got up, drank some orange juice, ate a cold steak sandwich and looked out the window. From my window I could see frost on the grass by the wall. It looked freezing cold out there, it felt freezing cold in the flat and I was still feeling sad and miserable. So after 11 hours sleep, I went to bed and slept some more. I think I finally got up properly at about three.
That's what it's like. Sometimes the Black dog comes from nowhere, grabs me by the neck and won't let go.
The thing I've noticed is that it always seems to do that when I'm starting to get somewhere, when I'm getting close to achieving some kind of goal. Not just a perfunctory one, but something real. Either that or I get sick, or someone dies, or some other convenient vicissitude befalls me.
And I'm sick of it.
Maybe sometimes I get elevated and take on too much. Maybe sometimes I try to do everything and try to be everywhere at once without considering if I can maintain the pace. But too many times I've folded my hand when I should have stayed in the game.
But I'm sick of letting my insecurities and black-spells dictate the course of my life.
Anyways, I'm going home now because I have something to go to tonight. My friend Na'ama is having a Birthday shindig at a club somewhere in the West End, and I'm already running late.
To finish the story of my day, I did more cleaning up in my room and then went to Leytonstone Library with a list of words from Robin Hobb's books that I didn't quite understand. I looked up the words in one of the Oxford English Dictionaries there and it occurred to me it might be something to post a Robin Hobb Glossary online (with the permission of the Author, of course).
Anyways, time to go.
Over and out.
J
posted by the.exile at 7:03 pm
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